I live up north. I do not know anyone called Lotty, Piggy or Genevieve. I can spend less than £15 on a night out and come home slaughtered. If I take a hummus wrap to work, someone will go ‘oooooh!’ If I’m on a bus, whoever sits next to me will start a conversation (this isn’t weird). I earn less than minimum wage but the most I have ever paid to get into a club is £3. I have been to a takeaway where they sell a pie inside a bun. It rains every day. I have never seen a dog in a handbag. Trams are a serious mode of transport. Everywhere I go there is a man selling either a bird whistle or a running rat. If I wear high heels, I WILL get stuck in cobbles. If I phone for a taxi it will arrive before I’ve put the phone down. I know 23 people called Dave.
